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The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself Every Day

mindset Dec 11, 2023
hand holding up a camera lens and looking through

Everything starts with mindset.

If you listen to me long enough, you might get tired of me saying this over and over. But I say it again now, and I’ll keep saying it, because guess what?

Everything. Starts. With. Mindset.

It permeates everything you do, in your business and in your life.

So take a moment and ask yourself: what is your mind set on?

I’ll tell you the mindset I see in most agents: fear, hope, and instant gratification—or all of the above.

They walk around every day fearing the outcomes they don’t want, hoping for the outcomes they do want, and looking for ways to get what they want now. Every decision they make goes through this lens. It dictates how they feel, what they do, and what they experience as a result.

Let me illustrate what I mean.

A few weeks ago, another real estate coach sent out a promotion around the idea of making $100K in the next 10 days. The coach sells that idea with incredible conviction, as if that result were possible for anyone who cared to reach for it.

Anyone receiving that email would be intrigued. Who wouldn’t want $100K in the next 10 days?

But it’s complete and total nonsense.

When you look at the reality of how this business works, you know that idea is completely ridiculous. Human relationships and real estate decisions simply do not operate on that time frame. 

And yet, when your mind is set on fear, hope, and instant gratification, you might buy into this offer.

Fear will tell you that if you don’t do it, you’ll miss out.

Hope will let you believe there really is a magic solution.

Instant gratification will fool you into thinking success without patience or hard work is possible.

None of those things are true. This mindset will lead you astray EVERY TIME.

So what should your mind be set on instead?

HARMONY—specifically, harmony with reality. Not what you want or don’t want, but what actually IS.

Having a mindset of harmony means understanding 3 things:

  1. What is happening is happening.
  2. None of it is personal.
  3. All of it is temporary.

It’s that simple. Accept the reality you’re facing, understand that you are not a victim, and know that this too (the bad and the good) shall pass.

When you have a mindset of harmony, you can give your best to what’s in front of you instead of fighting to make it something different.

You can come from a place of love and service instead of desire and fear.

You can understand that you’re perfect as you are instead of feeling like you’re not enough.

Think about it this way: you have reality sitting on one shoulder and hope on the other, both whispering in your ear.

Reality is telling you the truth. It’s telling you to go do what you know you’re supposed to do…most of which isn’t much fun, but it’s what actually works.

Hope, on the other hand, is tempting you with the idea that you don’t have to do the hard stuff…you don’t have to risk your ego or get uncomfortable…there is a magic pill out there somewhere…

In case I haven’t been obvious enough, hope is the devil in this scenario.

I want to be crystal clear…

It doesn’t matter who you are, what market you’re in, how big your team is, how much you’ve sold…

If you want to be successful in this business over the long run, you have to start strengthening the muscle of doing what you don’t want to do.

For over 30 years, I’ve spent every single day talking to real estate agents and thinking about how to help them succeed. Day in and day out, I asked myself what worked and what didn’t in this business, and it all came down to the 6 building blocks I coach today.

Here’s the irony: the 6 things that work are the same 6 things nobody wants to do.

Why? Because they make you uncomfortable. They force you to risk rejection, learn new skills, break old habits, and think in unfamiliar ways. Sometimes, they can be scary or painful or just plain boring.

None of this is a special feature of real estate. It’s true for every business. Actually, it’s true of any endeavor for excellence, business or otherwise. 

As human beings, it’s our nature to want what we want without having to work for it…but life is simply not set up that way.

Many years ago in an exercise class, I heard the instructor say, “Relax into the intensity.”

That’s a pretty good way to sum up the mindset of harmony. Reality is intense. It’s always changing. It’s almost never what you want it to be.

When you fight against it with fear, hope, and instant gratification, you are locking yourself into a losing battle that never ends.

The only alternative that makes any sense is to stop fighting and get in alignment. Do what you know you need to do. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

Relax into the intensity.

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