Who Do You See?

On a recent group coaching call, one of the agents spoke up. He’s the kind of agent everyone respects. Great guy. Thriving business. Sterling reputation. He’s the one other agents look at and think, “When I grow up in this business, I want to be him.”

And yet, as he sat there, he wasn’t celebrating what he had built. He wasn’t acknowledging the respect he had earned. Instead, he was looking around, comparing himself to others—doubting, anxious, feeling “less than.”

Here’s the reality: he’s not alone. This is the trap almost every one of us falls into.

The 49% Story

When you compare yourself to someone else, you’re only ever seeing part of the picture. At best, you’re seeing 49% of their story. The other 51%? You’re making up in your own mind.

And here’s the kicker: because of your brain’s negativity bias, you rarely make up a story that helps you. You fill in the gaps by exaggerating their success and minimizing your own. You discount the good in you and exaggerate the good in them.

It’s a rigged game—and you always lose.

Why Comparison Never Works

Comparison doesn’t motivate. It drains. It convinces you that you’re behind when in fact you may be exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Think about it:

• You see someone close a big listing.
• You see the highlight reel on Instagram.
• You hear about someone’s “best year ever.”

But you don’t see the full story: the doubt, the struggle, the failures, the sleepless nights, the deals that fell apart. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes with their polished front stage. Of course you feel like you’re falling short—because you’re comparing a whole truth to a half-truth.

From Comparing to Connecting

Here’s the shift: you don’t need to compare—you need to connect.

Comparison shrinks you. Connection expands you.

• Comparing says, “They’re ahead. I’m behind.”
• Connecting says, “What I see in them is also in me. Their story sharpens mine.”

And here’s the paradox most people miss: you can’t see in someone else what doesn’t already exist in you.

If you recognize courage, it’s because courage is in you.
If you admire resilience, it’s because resilience lives in you.
If you respect mastery, it’s because mastery is part of your wiring too.

Comparison treats those qualities as proof you’re lacking. Connection treats them as a mirror of who you already are—and who you’re becoming.

The Mirror, Not the Measuring Stick

The qualities you admire in others are not a measuring stick to prove you’re behind. They’re a mirror reminding you of your own capacity.

The problem is that your survival mind hijacks the process. Instead of seeing a mirror, you see a scoreboard. Instead of noticing what’s real, you create a distorted story that leaves you behind.

But the truth is: what you admire in others is simply reflecting back what’s inside you.

Connecting the Dots

This is exactly why The Performance Six exists—to rewire this distorted way of seeing and replace it with clarity, connection, and standards that sustain:

• Practicing Mindfulness: Seeing clearly instead of letting bias create a false story.
• Optimizing Time: Staying focused on what matters for you, not what others are doing.
• Cultivating Relationships: Connecting deeply instead of competing superficially.
• Implementing Process: Measuring yourself against your standards, not someone else’s scoreboard.
• Mastering Communication: Listening with empathy, not envy.
• Strategic Execution: Aligning your effort with your goals, not someone else’s highlight reel.

This is what rewiring from survival to success looks like in action.

A Better Question

So the next time you catch yourself slipping into comparison, pause and ask:

Am I comparing—or connecting?

If you’re comparing, remember: you’re only seeing 49% of the story, and the rest you’re making up against yourself.
If you’re connecting, you’ll realize that what you admire in others is already alive in you.

So I’ll leave you with this:

Who do you see when you look at others—and what does that say about what already exists in you?