Stop Taking the Bait

(teaser: The questions your clients ask aren't usually the questions they need answered. The most successful agents are the ones who understand the difference.)

Caroline,

Picture this: Your seller asks, "Why hasn't my house sold yet?"

Most agents immediately launch into a detailed explanation about market conditions, pricing strategies, or marketing reach. They dive headfirst into the surface question, armed with facts and data, ready to prove their competence.

But here's what's really happening: You just took the bait.

And now you're stuck defending market statistics while your client gets more frustrated. You're debating pricing strategies while they're getting more concerned. You're rattling off your marketing efforts while they're losing confidence in you.

You've been backed into a corner, arguing facts and defending yourself—all while completely missing the real point.

We've Been Here Before

We've talked before about the importance of distinguishing "Is it a Question or Is it an Objection?" When you're operating from fear, you'll hear every question as an objection, feel defensive, and start giving things away to make the "objections" stop.

But here's something you may not have considered: Even when you correctly identify that it's a genuine question, you can still get trapped.

The trap isn't just in feeling attacked by the question—it's in engaging with the surface words instead of addressing what's really going on underneath.

The Debate Trap

When you engage directly with surface questions, you inevitably end up in one of these losing scenarios:

• The Facts Battle: You're throwing statistics at emotional concerns
• The Defensive Spiral: You're justifying your actions instead of addressing their fears
• The Proof Parade: You're listing your credentials when they need reassurance
• The Logic Loop: You're explaining rational solutions to irrational worries

And the more you explain, the more frustrated everyone becomes.

The Fear Behind Every Question

Remember this fundamental truth: Fear of loss is the primary driver of human behavior. When clients ask challenging questions, they're rarely seeking technical explanations. They're expressing underlying concerns and fears that need to be acknowledged and understood.

That seller asking about their unsold house? They might really be saying:

• "I'm scared we'll never be able to move"
• "I'm worried you don't care about my listing"
• "I'm afraid I made a mistake choosing you"
• "I'm concerned about the financial implications of this delay"

But you'll never discover the real concern if you immediately jump into problem-solving mode.

From Surface to Source: The 2mm Shift That Changes Everything

The shift is simple but profound: Instead of responding to the surface question, get curious about what's driving it.

Instead of hearing that seller's question as "Give me your marketing plan," try hearing it as valuable information about their state of mind. Get curious: "What would cause them to ask that question right now? What are they really concerned about?"

This isn't about avoiding the question—it's about addressing the right question.

Why Agents Get Trapped in Surface Debates

When you engage with the literal question instead of the underlying concern, you end up in an endless cycle:

• They ask about marketing, you show them your marketing plan
• They question your strategy, you defend your approach
• They bring up what their friend said, you counter with different data
• They express doubt, you pile on more proof

Each response digs you deeper into a debate you can never win because you're arguing facts against feelings.

The more you explain, the more they question. The more you defend, the less they trust. You're solving the wrong problem.

Listening for What's NOT Being Said

This requires Level 5 listening—Empathetic Listening—where you're listening for their complete worldview, unstated motivations, core values and beliefs, and what's NOT being said.

When your seller asks why their house hasn't sold, listen for:

• The tremor in their voice that suggests anxiety
• The way they avoid eye contact when mentioning price
• The tension in their posture that indicates stress
• The underlying message about their trust in you

These cues tell you far more about what they need than their actual words do.

How to Address the Real Concern

Once you've identified the motivation behind the question, your response should acknowledge that deeper concern first:

Instead of: "Well, the market has been slower than expected, and we've had three showings this week..."

Try: "It sounds like you're really worried about whether this move is going to work out for your family."

Or: "You seem concerned that I'm not doing everything I can for you."

Or: "It feels like the uncertainty is creating a lot of stress."

Then pause. Let them respond. Listen to what they tell you about their real concerns.

Only after you've made them feel understood should you address any tactical or technical aspects of their question.

The Power of Getting It Right

When you acknowledge the real concern behind a surface question, something magical happens:

• Your client feels truly understood
• Trust deepens instead of eroding
• The conversation becomes collaborative instead of defensive
• You gain valuable insight into what they actually need
• You differentiate yourself from every other agent who would have taken the bait

Your New Approach

The next time a client asks a challenging question:

1. Pause. Don't rush to defend or explain the surface issue.
2. Get curious. Ask yourself: "What fear or concern might be driving this question?"
3. Listen with empathy. Pay attention to tone, body language, and what's not being said.
4. Acknowledge the underlying concern first: "It sounds like..." or "It seems like..."
5. Confirm your understanding before addressing any technical aspects.

Remember: Your value isn't demonstrated by how quickly you can answer surface questions or how thoroughly you can defend your methods. Your value is demonstrated by how deeply you understand your client's real concerns and how effectively you can guide them through their fears.

Stop taking the bait. Stop getting trapped in surface debates. Start addressing what matters most. With Empathy First!